{"id":302162,"date":"1990-01-01T00:01:20","date_gmt":"1989-12-31T23:01:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/dbnl\/willem-van-toorn\/"},"modified":"2021-06-04T15:39:33","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T14:39:33","slug":"willem-van-toorn","status":"publish","type":"dbnl","link":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/willem-van-toorn\/","title":{"rendered":"Willem van Toorn"},"content":{"rendered":"
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[p. 541]<\/div>\r\n<\/a>\r\n

\r\nWillem van Toorn<\/i>\r\n<\/h3>\r\n\r\n

Overlappingen<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
\r\nvoor Jan Beutener<\/i>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n
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Is de schaduw aan het gordijn ontsnapt?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Wie heeft zo streng de tafel afgeruimd?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Is er een afspraak reddeloos verzuimd,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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of is juist iemand weggegaan? Een gast?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Als zij hun vragen stellen met geduld,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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weten geleerden waar de stoel voor staat,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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raakt op hun woord het schilderij gevuld:<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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betekenis die elk geheim verslaat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en zo de kijker blinder achterlaat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Het schilderij draait zich traag naar mij om.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ik breng je op de plaats in deze leegte.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Daar staat je stoel. Zit je zo goed? Er zweven<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gouden stofdeeltjes door een baan van zon<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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buiten het beeld. Je glas wacht op de tafel.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Eten nabij. Zondag. Alles komt goed.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Je bent niet dood meer. Moeder snijdt het vlees.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Het mes daalt door de rode vezels heen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Mooi vlees, vader. \u2018Moeder mag ik het bloed?\u2019<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Of je altijd blijft. Of een kind dat mag vragen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
[p. 542]<\/div>\r\n

\r\nWillem van Toorn<\/i>\r\n\r\n
\r\nEindspel<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Waarover praten we nog<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tegenover elkaar aan tafel,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het woord weer een uur verslagen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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op het betekend bord.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ach dat het lente wordt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met beslist lichtere dagen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waarin de stad zijn grage<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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vlinder nieuw geluid ontpopt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Maar zeker zal het woord vallen:<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de koning staat in zijn hoek,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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velbaar voor wie hem zoekt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van het leger vazallen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in het eigen bloed.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 543]<\/div>\r\n
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Wat zeg ik als ik het woord<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dan zelf maar zeg hier: dood.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Alsof het een woord is als tafel<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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of schaakbord, aan te raken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met het bedaard verstand.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Terwijl het alleen ademnood<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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oproept of zinloze stilstand<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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of die eeuwige bevende plaatjes<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van herinnering toverlantaarn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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op de witte wand.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Het ziekenhuisbed van mijn vader.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ik zie hoe van onder af<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de bleke stilte zich uitbreidt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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onder zijn intieme huid<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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naar zijn borst en hals.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hoe cel na cel zich leegmaakt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hoe de stilte zijn voorhoofd bereikt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Waarom denkt mijn hoofd vol tranen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat zijn ziel nu zijn lichaam verlaat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Weet ik dan echt niets beters<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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na vijftig jaar woorden lezen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dan ziel<\/i> – het soort woord dat ik haat?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Waarom kan ik in de tikkende kamer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waar hij mij achterlaat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met zijn koude hand in mijn handen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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niet zonder dat vangnet van taal.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 544]<\/div>
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En andere beelden. De ochtend<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waarop H. langskwam,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de dag na sinterklaas.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Vertelde bijna beschaamd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hoe hij pepernoten gebracht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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had naar het graf van zijn vader.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u2018Daar hield die man zo van.\u2019<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Zo maken wij onze banale<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gebaren naar een zwart gat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ik dacht aan Etruskengraven<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met hun opgewekt etende stenen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gestorvenen. Als we na zo veel eeuwen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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nog niets naders weten,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zal ik jou dan ook maar namaken,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zo minzaam liggend, een been<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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losjes over het ander geslagen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 545]<\/div>\r\n
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\r\nWovon man nicht sprechen kann,<\/i>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\r\ndar\u00fcber musz man schweigen<\/i>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Jazeker, over mijn eigen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dood wel zolang als het kan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Maar over de jouwe dan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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die je is aangezegd?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Daarvoor zit je hier niet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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aan de overkant van het bord<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat leger en leger wordt –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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om je te horen hoe verdriet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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mij het zwijgen oplegt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Trouwens W, als we dat echt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gedaan hadden: niets gezegd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van het onzegbare, dan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zaten we nog in die grot<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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grommend van hunkering<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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naar de schimmen op de achterwand<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en niet aan dit bedacht ding<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met onze legers van hout.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 546]<\/div>
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Maar gevoel is ook mij meer vertrouwd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dan woorden nu. Woede het meest<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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om hoe leven hier door zal gaan,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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talen die je hebt verstaan,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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plaatsen waar je bent geweest.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Zo zullen gewoon bestaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de avondstad, de arkaden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het duizendvoudig mompelend praten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tussen de gouden stenen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verliefd en voorbijgaand slapen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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achter waaiende witte gordijnen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En de rivieren, de trage<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Arno, de populieren<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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spiegelende Po, De Rijn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in winterlicht bij Rhenen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hoe ze zonder jouw kijken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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onverstoorbaar door zullen stromen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 547]<\/div>
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik weet wel: dit is in mijn hoofd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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en ik weet haast niets van het landschap<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in het jouwe. Als ik een vrouw was,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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denk ik voor het eerst in mijn leven,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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nam ik je maar in mijn schoot.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ook dat hielp niet, maar beter<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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dan de te schrale troost<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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van denken dat over 100 jaar hoogstens<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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geen hond van ons hier meer leeft,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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nog geen huidige zuigeling over.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Maar wat kan jou dat schelen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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aangeraakt tussen de velen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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die tenminste nog even<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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mogen voortleven om je heen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 548]<\/div>
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Niet denken aan die kamer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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van over een of twee jaar,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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waar we met vrienden samen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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soms nog over je praten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in de derde persoon.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hoe hij koning was, hoe hij water<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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zong uit de rotsen, bewoond<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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maakte wat lang verlaten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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was. En dan weer gewoon<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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verder met dingen van de dag.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ach dat het lente wordt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in de langere lichtere stad.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Niet aan denken. Nu misschien nog<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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remise binnen bereik.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 549]<\/div>
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Al wat rest is verhalen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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verteld om de rest van je tijd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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te vertragen. Van helden. Ze dragen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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hun schilden op de langzame<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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rivier onversaagd stroomopwaarts.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En van de zee die zich heft<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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naar de maan en de kust. Van de nacht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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waar de uil zich onhoorbaar in rekt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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voordat hij zijn vleugels spreidt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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en zacht maar genadeloos toeslaat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
Van het kind dat het roepen hoort<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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maar niet weet van de muis en droomt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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van een koning in een oud paleis.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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De dekens over zich heen trekt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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en glimlacht in zijn slaap.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
\n

Over dit hoofdstuk\/artikel<\/h3>\n

Willem van Toorn<\/a><\/p>\n
\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Een gast? \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Als zij hun vragen stellen met geduld, \u00a0 weten geleerden waar de… Lees verder <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","class_list":["post-302162","dbnl","type-dbnl","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWillem van Toorn · Uitgeverij Van Oorschot<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/willem-van-toorn\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Willem van Toorn · Uitgeverij Van Oorschot\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"[p. 541] Willem van Toorn Overlappingen voor Jan Beutener \u00a0 Is de schaduw aan het gordijn ontsnapt? \u00a0 Wie heeft zo streng de tafel afgeruimd? \u00a0 Is er een afspraak reddeloos verzuimd, \u00a0 of is juist iemand weggegaan? 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