{"id":302551,"date":"1994-01-01T00:00:20","date_gmt":"1993-12-31T23:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/dbnl\/leonard-nolens-3\/"},"modified":"2021-06-04T18:07:28","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T17:07:28","slug":"leonard-nolens-3","status":"publish","type":"dbnl","link":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/leonard-nolens-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Leonard Nolens"},"content":{"rendered":"
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[p. 99]<\/div>\r\n<\/a>\r\n

\r\nLeonard Nolens<\/i>\r\n<\/h3>\r\n\r\n

Benjamin<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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‘t Was tijdens de bloesems, mijn slaperigheid van april,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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‘t Was tijdens dat langzame schreeuwen van kleuren,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dat komen en gaan van de wee\u00ebn en wakende zussen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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‘t Was toen dat mijn dag in je nacht is gescheurd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En mijn plaats werd verdaan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Nu ben ik de enige die in de wieg is gelegd om dood te gaan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Toch tel ik voor twee om te leven sinds ik alleen ben,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Voor drie als het licht mij moet slikken, mijn dag is beslecht.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Je staat in mijn zon.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ik ben graag in je schaduw gebleven.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
[p. 100]<\/div>\r\n

Voegen<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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1<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Was je die metselaar, daar, ja,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan kon je weer klagen vanavond.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Mijn rug is gekrenkt door de ladder,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Door klimmen, door tillen aan kimmen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Mijn benen staan jaren perplex<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van de passer die danst in mijn kop.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Mijn handen verdwijnen in baksteen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In stapelen leegte op leegte.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Mijn hartstreek, mijn hele bestaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Doet pijn van te leven vandaag<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En ook als ik slaap is mijn bed<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In de wolken van langzaam beton.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Maar jij bent zijn baas, en de metselaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dient je tot bron van vermaak.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 101]<\/div>\r\n
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2<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Was je dood als een geboren psychiater,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan kon je vanavond je bloedeigen ziel laten vlinderen diep<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In het binnenste van je pati\u00ebnten.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Je vliesdunne vleugels van handen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Pelden het dikke verdriet dat daar klem zit<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In bloesems van vlees.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Je tong zong de zenuwen los<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van hun liefde die echt is als haat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En die echt is want zeer doet.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Maar jij ligt afwezig<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Te zijn op die biechtbank en braakt wat je kwalen verzinnen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Verlangt ook niet langer geboorte.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 102]<\/div>\r\n
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3<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En was je ten slotte een dichter,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan kwam hier plotsklaps en ineens<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En in al zijn verbanden gebonden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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De dikke Van Dale te voorschijn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En had je aan \u00e9\u00e9n woord genoeg.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan kwam hier de godganse poespas<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van heel dit heelal overeind<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En zette dit boek in de fik.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan verliet je verpletterd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Door eigen talenten dit huis<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Pardoes door de schoorsteen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dan zat je niet diep in gedachten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Verzonken aan ijzeren tafels<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En sloeg je niet hier<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Met je tikkende vingers veel niets<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In zijn voegen vandaag.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 103]<\/div>\r\n

Moedertaal<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Op straat, in bed, op reis, alleen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En binnensmonds loop ik te bidden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En lig ik en sta ik te bidden, en steeds<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Geknield, en steeds achter potdichte lippen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Geknield in een tongwerk van oude gewoonten.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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De naamloze heer is mijn tweede natuur.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Zo leg ik mijn goddeloos leven voorover<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Gebogen hier neer, en het wit wordt me zwart<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Voor de ogen, zwart hart als ik doodga en slaap<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In de langzame straat en het bed en de reis<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van je handen, en slaap met mijn vuisten gebald<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In de buik van mijn slapende moeder.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 104]<\/div>\r\n

Maar niet leven is geen winst<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Leven is tijdverlies,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Zei David, hij was twaalf,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Tegen de beroepsdromer die ik ben.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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David is mijn zoon<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van eenentwintig vandaag.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Eenentwintig jaar verloren met geboren worden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Met rechtop zitten, scheve<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Stappen zetten, schreeuwen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En tegen mijn schenen schoppen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Met zoenen en afstand scheppen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En naar school vertrekken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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En leren articuleren:<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Leven is tijdverlies.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Drie tijd verliezende woorden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Vier tijd verliezende woorden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ze schrijven zich koning.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ze wrijven de honing en as<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Van ons verbond in mijn gezicht.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In pak-weg honderd tijd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Verliezende woorden tijd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Gespaard voor ons leven, David,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ons tijdverlies.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 105]<\/div>\r\n

Etiquette<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Nog even, nog heel even, en het lukt me<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Om onder de mensen te komen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Ook ik ben op reis<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In de kamer, verdwaald<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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In de trein, overmeesterd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Door het spitsuur, met de rug<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Naar mijn bestemming achterom<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Kijkend naar wat komen gaat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 106]<\/div>\r\n
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2<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Er is vergeefs, vergeefser en vergeefst.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik blijf nog wat om ‘s ochtends mijn gezicht te wassen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En onder de mensen te komen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Een stille wanhoop zegt je goedemorgen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En glimlacht, ik ben zo opgevoed.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Het zijn de lieve doden die mijn hand uitsteken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En je naam uitspreken met mijn mond van morgen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Vandaag heb ik hun kleren aangedaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Om straks door jou gezien te worden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Om vanavond aan tafel te gaan met goede manieren.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Die werden mij gisteren doorgegeven<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Als de zangerigheden van lekker eten, de roem<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Van omgangsvormen die een oud verdriet stileren.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik laat mijn pijn niet aan je tafel dronken worden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n
[p. 107]<\/div>\r\n
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3<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Nog even, nog heel even, en het lukt me<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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In het nieuws te komen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Met de dagelijkse kost van mijn geboorte.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Nog even, nog heel even, en het lukt me<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hier in deze boshut onder de mensen te komen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En me terug te trekken in het hart van vreemden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Laat, laat in mijn leven heb ik de kunst begrepen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Mijn leven tot onderwerp te maken van je leven.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Nog even, nog heel even, en je lukt me.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Nog even, nog heel even, en het lukt me<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Met de krantefoto van mijn dood te adverteren<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Voor ons.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 108]<\/div>\r\n

Oktoberzon<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik leef hier klein, gedoken, in een houten huis<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En woon over de hele breedte van het bos<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Tot bij een pijn waar mijn verstand niet verder kan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ook speel ik onder de bomen met mijn afwezigen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Verbrand er in vrede mijn langzaam bloed tussen de bloemen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En verberg mijn bovarysme in oktober.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik leef hier klein op het niveau van mijn gedichten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En op het ritme van een liefde die bestaat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Omdat zij Leen is en van mij en niet priv\u00e9.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik heb dat goud van haar afwezigheid hier nodig<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En stort het straks over ons uit, wij zijn niet arm.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Uit goede bron heb ik ons beiden hier vernomen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
\n

Over dit hoofdstuk\/artikel<\/h3>\n

Leonard Nolens<\/a><\/p>\n
\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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