{"id":302603,"date":"1994-01-01T00:01:11","date_gmt":"1993-12-31T23:01:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/dbnl\/anton-geritsapologie-der-beschadigden\/"},"modified":"2021-07-08T13:41:17","modified_gmt":"2021-07-08T12:41:17","slug":"anton-geritsapologie-der-beschadigden","status":"publish","type":"dbnl","link":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/anton-geritsapologie-der-beschadigden\/","title":{"rendered":"Anton Gerits\r\n\r\nApologie der beschadigden"},"content":{"rendered":"
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[p. 424]<\/div>\r\n<\/a>\r\n

\r\nAnton Gerits<\/i>\r\n\r\n
\r\nApologie der beschadigden<\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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Nog v\u00f3\u00f3r het levenswater brak<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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werd het de verten al ontnomen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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handen vaardig van ongeduld<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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maakten de bedding vrij naar waar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het kon gekluisterd en verdoofd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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nog v\u00f3\u00f3r van leven sprake was,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waarna met recht op eigendom<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de navelstreng verbroken werd.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Eens toen zij knielden in geloof<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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prijsgaven wat zij nog niet begeerden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verwierpen wat zij nog niet kenden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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opgaven waarnaar zij nog niet streefden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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– een weerwil die zichzelf niet telt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zolang zij zich geroepen dachten –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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liet men hen zondermeer alleen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met het verraad dat godsdienst heet.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 425]<\/div>
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Wat zondags hun gelezen werd,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met dode stem en breed gebaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een schaduw werd van lege schuld<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waarin de dag zijn licht verloor,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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kroop weg in wat ontlopen werd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met halve waarheid toegedekt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tot het een zwijgen werd, gesmoord,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waar weemoed mee gezwegen wordt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Waarover zij niet spreken konden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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werd hun een hemels vergezicht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een wenkende in wind en water<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een wachtend licht in lege lanen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en vrees dat zij verschijnen zou<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waartegen niet gesproken kan,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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schrikbarende aanwezigheid<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van wat in hen naar vrijheid haakt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 426]<\/div>
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Naar wat ontredderd werd gezocht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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was in henzelf te slaap gelegd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gewiegd in wat verzwegen werd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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– geheime stilte die aldra verkeert<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in fluistering die samenspant<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met wat nadien begrepen werd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van het gebaar, de blik, de lach<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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die leven bleven in gemis.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hoeveel jaar zijn zij gegaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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door hoeveel valse levens heen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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bedrogenen, bevreesd en klein,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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altijd gezien altijd besproken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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altijd hun handen zichtbaar dragend,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waaraan weerbarstig werd voldaan,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tot zij met zichtbaar dragen leerden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met lege handen om te gaan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 427]<\/div>
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Onzichtbaar de geknevelden<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zij raken soms een schouder aan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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als was het om voorbij te gaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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aan waar zij zouden willen zijn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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wat in hun schuwheid is bewaard:<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zich even niet gekneveld weten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in het bevrijdende gebaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van handen die gebonden zijn.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hoe vaak de lijken herbezorgd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de bleke rest van wat zich eens<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van wat hen dreef onthouden heeft,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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vergeefse moeite die behouden bleef<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in het wanhopige gebaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat in onzekerheid bevroor<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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nog v\u00f3\u00f3r de schouder werd beroerd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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die sedertdien die blinddruk draagt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 428]<\/div>
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Soms komt hen iemand tegemoet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een handpalm die hun opengaat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een open plek tussen de bomen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waar warmte even nader komt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waar schaduw die hen altijd volgt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hen onverbiddelijk alleen laat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met wat ternauwernood herkend<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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weer schaduw wordt, weer verder moet.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Zijn zij blijmoedig onder ons<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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– de drempels aangepast nietwaar –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hun handicap verborgen in<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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wat wij zien als het bravour<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waarmee zij in hun schoenen staan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de pijn verbijtend die hen noopt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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daarna opnieuw alleen te zijn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met wat niet was noch komen zal?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 429]<\/div>
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Ontheemden van het avondland<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met wat men moedig achterliet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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onthand op weg naar nergens heen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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langs deuren die niet open gaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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naar verten die er niet meer zijn,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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onterfden van het avondland<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verstoken van een vaderhuis<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zien zij hoe ruim hun woning is.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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De wind waait er welwillend door<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van ginder komend naar nergens gaand<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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draagt hij een veeg verleden mee<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat uitwaait over land waar niets<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een heden heeft dat blijft bestaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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waar wind om lege torens waait<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verkleurend helmgras minzaam buigt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en achter laat wat komen gaat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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[p. 430]<\/div>
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Al wat hun werd wijsgemaakt –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat wat wij zijn te vrezen valt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ons erfdeel is gebogen gaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in licht dat wij niet kunnen zien –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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bleef achter in wat twijfel werd;<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een levenlang geboren dragen zij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het mee totdat zij worden wat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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allengs in hen werd wijdgemaakt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Het zicht dat wijd is en nabij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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begon waar niemand verder ging<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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nog slechts de eigen voetstap klonk<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en gaandeweg ook die niet meer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zo wijd het zicht ontsloten werd,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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nauw bergpad dat geen einde kent<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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dan waar het is gedaald tot waar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
niets is gebleven wat het was.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 431]<\/div>
\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
Nu ook de herfst al ouder wordt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
wind bij vlagen onrust stookt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
om wat niet kan worden ingehaald<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
– te laat zelfs voor een late bloei –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
blijft van wat niet tot wasdom kwam<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
nu ook de herstzon kouder wordt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
alleen wat overjaarde onrust<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
door dezelfde twijgen gaan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>
\n

Over dit hoofdstuk\/artikel<\/h3>\n

A. Gerits<\/a><\/p>\n
\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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