{"id":302723,"date":"1995-01-01T00:01:24","date_gmt":"1994-12-31T23:01:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/dbnl\/j-bernlef-4\/"},"modified":"2021-06-04T18:12:19","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T17:12:19","slug":"j-bernlef-4","status":"publish","type":"dbnl","link":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/j-bernlef-4\/","title":{"rendered":"J. Bernlef"},"content":{"rendered":"
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[p. 505]<\/div>\r\n<\/a>\r\n

\r\nJ. Bernlef<\/i>\r\n<\/h3>\r\n\r\n

Drempel<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Dingen verdwijnen zonder dat wij het merken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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zij vertrekken en laten alleen geheugensporen na<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in onze dromen en neerslachtige momenten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Houten kleppers in de autoloze straat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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knisperende lavendelzakjes in de linnenkast<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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het zoeven van steentjes uit een katapult<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Midden in het toenemende geraas<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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wordt het steeds stiller (als onder een stolp)<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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daar voltrekken zich de proeven<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Plotseling beginnen daarbinnen alle<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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huiskamerklokken te tikken, zoemen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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gloeiende radiobuizen aan tot<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Op de drempel van dit moment<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zij zich terugtrekken in de stomme films<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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van onze dromen en neerslachtige momenten.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
[p. 506]<\/div>\r\n

Het aambeeld<\/h4>\r\n\r\n

I<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Voor mij de besneeuwde akker, achter mij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in dat zelfgetimmerde bed zijn verwilderde blik<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ik richt mij op de net bevroren rivier, verpand mij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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aan het stromende water daaronder<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Langzaam zakken om mij heen de huizen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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trekt het landschap zich in een wieldop terug.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hij kon op het laatst geen kopje meer tillen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Steeds zwaarder de hamer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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maar het aambeeld vliegt!<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Ergens is een plek voor hem vrijgemaakt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in het oog dat dit alles begrijpend omvat.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
[p. 507]<\/div>\r\n

II<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Zijn blik wilde weg uit zijn gezicht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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om maar te kunnen blijven bestaan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Trillend als een stemvork waarin alle muziek<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en waaruit zij nu wegliep in de rivier.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hij was nog hier, zwaar en ziek, maar zijn blik<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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verhief zich van het bed, begon te vliegen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Maar bleef in de gesloten ruimte en<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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wiekte dwars door mij heen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Pas in het laatste ogenblik<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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krijg je de onzichtbare grens te zien<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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De roerloze bliksemsnelle passage<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de hartstilstand van de herinnering.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 508]<\/div>\r\n

De eilanden<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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Hij sprak over zijn archipel<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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alsof die al gezonken was<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verdronken in herinnering<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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En hij daar zonder spiegeling<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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van eiland tot eiland voer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u2018eens heb ik ze stuk voor stuk gekend.\u2019<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Tot hij de steven wendt, de diepte in<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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en daar vindt wat hij altijd zocht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u2018eilanden zijn verbonden, net als mensen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hebben elkaar in afzondering gevonden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in wat zij voor elkaar verzwegen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hun gezamenlijke ondergrond<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Waaruit zij eens stegen en nu<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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opnieuw naar een oppervlak waar zij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in mijn geschreven samenhang bewegen.\u2019<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 509]<\/div>\r\n

Paternoster<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Rechtstandig in schachten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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dalen en stijgen zwijgende<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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mannen van negen tot vijf<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Zij ontgaan ons, laten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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niets na, worden verspiegeld<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in glas en beton<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hoe anders de man op het blauwe balcon!<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hij staat met opgestroopte mouwen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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verblind door de zon<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hij kijkt naar de kantoren<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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aan de overkant, lang en roerloos<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Hoor hoe achter wapperend wasgoed<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de merel luidkeels zingt!<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Rechtstandig in schachten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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dalen en stijgen zwijgende<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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mannen van negen tot vijf.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 510]<\/div>\r\n

Voor de duur van een seconde (Joseph Cornell)<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Verbindingen – duizendvoudig opgevouwen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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in ieder hem ontglippend ogenblik zodat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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hij weigert te kiezen uit wat hij ziet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Schittering van flessenscherven op een muur<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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en voor de duur van een seconde daaronder een meisje<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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met een plastic zak waaruit bloesemtakken steken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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tederroze appelbloesems zacht bewegen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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Voor de duur van een seconde zien<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hoe iemand in het stof op een vensterbank<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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de aanzet tot zijn naam geschreven heeft<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en toen is doorgelopen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Hoe voor de duur van die seconde<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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het kind zijn klap krijgt, de moeder<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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haar cassette wisselt en haar billen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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tegen het glimmend klimrek wrijft<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Nog steeds in die ene doodstille seconde<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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een meerpaal mikpunt voor een kopmeeuw wordt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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zijn vleugels even flikkerend in het licht.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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Dit is zijn wanhoop: hij kiest doordat hij ziet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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zijn epifanie een wajangspel tegen een achtergrond<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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van doodvermoeide ogen, hij doet ze dicht<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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herinnert zich wat hem ontging in dromen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
[p. 511]<\/div>
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
In die ene brandschone, sterheldere seconde<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
komen alle samenlopen samen maar maken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
geen verbinding: losse gebaren op een leeg toneel<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
dat hij vult met gewatteerde kindersterren<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
Overspoeld door het wrakhout van de stad<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
jaagt hij dagelijks met de wapens van de verzamelaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
– systeemdoos, ordner, opbergmap –<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
\r\n
achter steeds nieuwe onverenigbare feiten aan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
\n

Over dit hoofdstuk\/artikel<\/h3>\n

J. Bernlef<\/a><\/p>\n
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