{"id":304498,"date":"2009-01-01T00:01:48","date_gmt":"2008-12-31T23:01:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/dbnl\/sylvie-mariejij-de-stilte\/"},"modified":"2021-06-04T18:55:24","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T17:55:24","slug":"sylvie-mariejij-de-stilte","status":"publish","type":"dbnl","link":"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/sylvie-mariejij-de-stilte\/","title":{"rendered":"Sylvie Marie\r\n\r\nJij, de stilte"},"content":{"rendered":"
\r\n\r\n <\/interp>
[p. 77]<\/div>\r\n<\/a>\r\n

\r\nSylvie Marie<\/i>\r\n\r\n
\r\nJij, de stilte<\/h3>\r\n\r\n

1.<\/h4>\r\n
[p. 78]<\/div>\r\n
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die dag had ik als altijd<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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nog zoveel zinnen voor je zitten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat ik ze in mijn hoofd cursief<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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of vet of onderlijnd had gezet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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om ze je ‘s avonds te vertellen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik zag ze verdampen toen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een klapdeur klapte,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een dokter nee gebaarde.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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later aan tafel herinnerde ik ze weer.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik kon ze luidop zeggen en tolde ervan<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat zwijgen voortaan beter paste.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het maakte me kleiner, zo klein<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat de botten in mijn lijf<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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niets anders dan breken deden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n

2.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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stil zijn alsof stilte dingen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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nietiger maakt, ze slijpt en wrijft<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tot kleine kiezels om<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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over het water te keilen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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was het zwijgen maar een laken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zonder kreuken, een dat niet hapert,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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maar glijdt over al wat pijnlijk is<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zodat het een fractie later<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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lijkt te verdwijnen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het zou je misschien<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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draaglijker maken.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 79]<\/div>\r\n

3.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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bij de balie van verloren voorwerpen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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aanschuiven en in huilen uitbarsten<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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omdat ik je kwijt ben.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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hoe een bediende me vriendelijk<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tot bedaren brengt, me vraagt hoe jij<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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eruitziet en je dan tevoorschijn haalt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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uit een rek vol zoekgeraakte jassen en tassen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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soms wou ik dat ik even<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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na\u00efef was gebleven als het kind<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat me ooit eens een platgereden kat<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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aanwees in de hoop dat het ik<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het dier weer tot leven kon wekken.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik weet beter maar niet beter.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n

4.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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af en toe is de stilte<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zo groot, overal in de kamer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat het wel een monster lijkt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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opgesloten in een te kleine kooi.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de gevolgen laten zich raden.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik, rondrennend van hoek naar hoek<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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in de vrees te worden bedolven, opgeslokt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en te veranderen in stilte. onzichtbaar<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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maar groot en overal in de kamer.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 80]<\/div>\r\n

5.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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het ergste zijn de nachten.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ze dalen over de dag neer<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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als cirkelende gieren,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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drukken de zon kopje onder<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tot alleen nog een rode<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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gloed op het water drijft.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het is dan dat de stilte zich uitrekt,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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kilte wordt,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik je overal hoor.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n

6.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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als ik wat bedaard ben,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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kruipt de stilte bij mij in bed<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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op jouw plaats, schurkt zich<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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tegen me aan.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u2018waarom zwijg je?\u2019 vraag ik,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u2018antwoorden hoeft niet, maar…\u2019<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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op zo’n momenten mag de stilte<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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me even vasthouden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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vind ik troost op haar borst,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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duurt het niet lang voor ik slaap.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 81]<\/div>\r\n

7.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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ik heb al geprobeerd te doen alsof<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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jij weer hier bent. ik dek de tafel voor twee,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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schuif de stoel voor me wat naar achteren,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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luister en knik.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik hoor je een grap vertellen.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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je lacht en ik lach mee,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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uitbundig tot er huilen van komt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dit doen is als zoenen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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op het venster. het koude glas<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat je eerst schrikken<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en dan walgen doet.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n

8.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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echte stilte is onbreekbaar. beeld<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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je in: een huis, wind, regen, storm.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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zodanig dat de pannen van het dak kraken,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat de ramen in de muren schudden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en even de gedachte dat iemand<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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op de deur klopt.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat is stilte, een klein kind<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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met een vadervinger op de mond,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het kreeg een snoepje in de jaszak,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een schouderklopje<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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en een knipoog.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n
[p. 82]<\/div>\r\n

9.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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soms schrijf ik een brief naar je<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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maak zinnen vet, cursief en onderlijn<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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wat je niet mag vergeten. ik vergeet<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dan dat je. dat probeer ik toch.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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het is pas na de laatste ps<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat ik het weer weet. waar moet ik<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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de woorden posten?<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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ik zou het raam kunnen openen,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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een vliegtuigje maken. erg<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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dat ik al weet dat ik later alleen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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een hoopje wanhoop in de tuin tref.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n

10.<\/h4>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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aan je graf voelen<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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hoezeer je nog in mijn haren kleeft,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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hoe het suizen van de wind me misleidt<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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alsof jij het bent die fluistert.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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even doet dat me opnieuw kleiner worden,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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maakt een traan jouw grond weer weker,<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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maar ik blijf even groot, leg<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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stilte voor eens het zwijgen op.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
\r\n
\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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ik begin te weten:<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n
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\u00a0<\/div>\r\n
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gesloten ogen waken ook.<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n<\/div>
\n

Over dit hoofdstuk\/artikel<\/h3>\n

Sylvie Marie<\/a><\/p>\n
\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[p. 77] Sylvie Marie Jij, de stilte 1. [p. 78] \u00a0 die dag had ik als altijd \u00a0 nog zoveel zinnen voor je zitten \u00a0 dat ik ze in mijn hoofd cursief \u00a0 of vet of onderlijnd had gezet \u00a0 om ze je ‘s avonds te vertellen. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 ik zag ze verdampen toen… Lees verder <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","class_list":["post-304498","dbnl","type-dbnl","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSylvie Marie Jij, de stilte · Uitgeverij Van Oorschot<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanoorschot.nl\/en\/dbnl\/sylvie-mariejij-de-stilte\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sylvie Marie Jij, de stilte · Uitgeverij Van Oorschot\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"[p. 77] Sylvie Marie Jij, de stilte 1. 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